The Best Chainletter Ever!!!!

POMG...well, I know it's like kinda late (the time at the bottom of the page fools you...), but anyway, I just read the funniest and truest of all chain letters!!! Check it out:

Dear All,
My thanks to all those who have sent me emails this past year........
I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about cockroach eggs in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl ( Penny Brown ); who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $1000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program

..... I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa 's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gas without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't even pick up the $5 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.

I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

Enjoy the rest of 2008 ...


And it's funny. Know why? It's true. Oh, and also, I'd like to give a special shout out of my own:

Thanks for giving me a cursed love life for the next 247 years.
Thanks for making me lose all my friends because i didn't send this letter back to them. i know they understand, but right now their probably planning some kind of neucular attack on me because I can't send a chainletter back to them in the next 10 minutes.
Thanks for telling me that God doesn't love me because I can't send an e-mail to 15 people in the next 45 minutes.
Thanks for giving me a cursed life with misery for the next 321 years.
Thanks for telling me that my friends are drifting away from me, and that a silly little chain letter telling them that will fix it all, even though i see them every day.
Thanks, I really enjoyed wasting my life sending a chain letter to 60 people and pressing F7, because I wanted to see my crush's name in big, blocky letters. Because I really need a reminder of who I like.
I really love it how you crush my wishes, my hopes and dreams because by the time i read your silly little letter, my time to send it to 25 people has expired, and no one will love me for the next 7 years.
Thanks, I can't wait for that clown to come up on the foot of my bed at 3am with a chainsaw, ready to cut me down. Because surely I wouldn't hear him starting up the chainsaw and run.
Thanks for also telling me that there is a girl who will be at the foot of my bed under a white sheet humming. I do enjoy clowns and girls in sheets at the foot of my bed at 3 in the freaken morning.
I absolutely adore hearing about those sick, sick girls who need help right this very second. I do like a reminder that I'm a bad person because I can't contribute 3 cents to that 7 year old girl who is now 28 and is probably alive and well thanks to others donations. I'm pretty sure she's sick and tired of reciveing money to help her cancer. Was it cancer? I forgot, she has so many other medical conditions, it's hard to remember.
I don't use my e-mail very much, and I love people telling me that my life is pretty much screwed because I don't have enough contacts to send this to.

I hope I've covered everything. Though I have to admit, I love the e-mail with the cute pictures of the dogs. I also like the chalk drawings. But now it's starting to cheese me off because i get those letters 60 times a day.

Alright. I just had to get that out of my system. I hope you all enjoy your next 21 loveless years too!
Bye!

~.:*JOSOA*:.~