Please note that this is just for fun, and I'm NOT actually going to rob a bank. Please don't take these plans and go rob the bank yourself...
~.:* JOSOA *:.~
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One more time before i start the Jeorge Stories...
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE........DO NOT ACTUALLY COMMIT A CRIME BASED ON MY PLANS!!!! IT IS JUST A JOKE AND PROBABLY WON'T WORK ANYWAYS!!!
Today, on the Jeorge Stories...
How to Create a Perfect Crime
Have you ever wanted to create the perfect crime, but didn't know where to start? Here's a step-by-step print off list of how to do it!
Materials:
~Map of the place of the crime
~An accomplice
~someone else's shoes, preferably stolen
~someone else's clothes
~a wig
~New! Loreal body tone makeup
~an old lady
~a ski mask
~a sack
~squirt gun (filled)
~dart gun (loaded)
~potato
~smoke bomb (optional)
~spray paint
~a cat
~hand sanitizer
~rubber gloves (MUST BE DISPOSABLE)
1.Know what you're going to do - whether it's something as evil as mugging an old lady, or as classic as robbing a bank, you must know what you're going to rob (Note: this does not include the category of: doomsday devices, total domination, blowing up planets, or the extinction of saltine crackers).
2. GET A MAP - Look, if you don't know where you want to rob or what you want to rob, or if you just don't know how to get there, you gotta bring a map. You're not going to get very far.
3. Get an Accomplice - you need someone to help you. Someone who won't rat you out, even if you rat THEM out XD
4.Steal someone else's clothes and shoes - you don't want the po-pos (or as I like to call them, the "coppies") to track you by your DNA on your clothes or shoes, do you? I DIDN'T THINK SO! Maybe it should be the accomplice's clothes and shoes. I feel pretty bad for the accomplice, they're being put in a tight spot XD XD
5. Get a wig - so you aren't identifiable. Read this dialogue:
"Yes, ma'am, so what was the suspect wearing?"
"Well, some ratty old shoes, baggy clothes, oh! And their hair was pink."
"Right-o."
Note: In my opinion, you should get a wig that's the same hair color of your accomplice XD XD XD XD
6. Get some makeup that is SO not your skin tone - cover up any parts of the body that is exposed, such as around the eyes. I would get a tone the same as your accomplice XD XD XD XD XD
7. FOR BANK ROBBERS ONLY. DO NOT FOLLOW THIS STEP UNLESS ROBBING STORES, BANKS, ETC. NOT WHILE MUGGING AN OLD LADY
Get an old lady - First, you must pretend to be her grandson Jerome. Talk her into coming to *insert location of robbery here* and tell her that you're playing a game. The game is that when you say "Gimme the money" she screams. This will cause a panic in the said location. Hey, do you want to make the front page or not?!
8. Get a ski mask and a sack - I personally would ask your accomplice if you could borrow theirs XD
9. Get a Squirt Gun and a Dart Gun - you must load them both. OR ELSE!
10. A Potato - you NEED this. As your mom always said: Criminals cant rob people on an empty stomach!!
11. Get a smoke bomb - preferably one that changes colors XD
12. Spray paint - Match the colors!
13. Hand sanitizer - to keep your hands nice and sanitized, right? hehehe...WRONG!
14. Rubber Gloves - rubbery. Has to be disposable. And...stuff.
Alright, let's put this plan into action!
First, you put on your necessary gear:
Your stolen clothes, then the wig, then the ski mask, then apply the skin tone-ifier, and lastly put the gloves on. Then, carefully remove some of the cats hair, and if you want, some of your accomplice's hair. This will lead the coppies to either your accomlice...or a cat. MAKE SURE THE CAT IS NOT YOURS!!! Then, put your guns (of the squirt and dart persuasion), your smoke bomb, and your potato into the sack. Also, you can put your old lady in the sack, too.
Head over to the place you are going rob in a van. Let out the old lady and tell her the game starts now. Calmly walk up to the desk, full of cat hair, and say "Gimme the money!!!"
At that moment, either your old lady what say "Whaaaat? Jerome, what was that? Do you want to bake muffins?" or she'll start screaming as planned. Shoot the cameras with the dark gun, then squirt at it so that the camera breaks and can show no footage. Get the money, put it in the sack, (this is also where you can put on the smoke bomb) and get back in the car. Then, after you hitch a ride home, tear out the seat you sat in, sanitize it and destroy it. Then spray paint the van another color. That way your getaway van looks different, therefore no one will think that's the van. And you can kill the person who gave you a ride. THE RUBBER GLOVES MUST STILL BE ON YOUR HANDS! Oh, and also, eat the potato.
Once you are home, sanitize and destroy the map you used, burn the clothes, shoes, squirt gun, dart gun, hand sanitizer, the ski mask, and the sack. Take off all the makeup and burn everything else. BURN IT I SAY! Then, i guess that's it. The police should arrive soon after you left, and all the signs will lead to your accomplice (who didn't even have a part whatsoever in this little pow-wow) and their cat, you'll end up on the front page, and everything will turn Kayotic in the City of Townsville, thanks to Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup-----uh, i mean, YOU! Congratulations, you'll leave the police baffled!
Helpful hints:
Don't touch your face with your gloves. Ever. Why? There's oils on your face. SHAME ON YOU!
Leave before the police arrive. Very helpful.
Be vague when giving the old lady directions.
Don't leave the money at the scene of the crime, you dope!
In fact, don't leave anything at the scene of the crime.
You shouldn't have your best friend as the accomplice (unless it's the one you hate XD )
Don't do the crime if you can feel guilt
Don't tack the front page of the news on your wall. That tells us something.
And most importantly...
Have fun!
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