Failed Inventions ;_;

Hi, I'm selling some of my inventions that i have made (har har. Actually, i found these on the internet. A link is below this post. It's blonde inventions. Don't worry blondes, I'm blonde too -_-. They're actually pretty funny). They are the following, with the prices:
Black highlighter ($1.75)
Waterproof tea bags ($3.50)
Braille driving manual ($27.34)
Dehydrated water ($2.33)
Screen door for submarine ($50.47)
Ejection seat for helicopter ($33.74)
Air conditioning for motorcycle (FREE installation! ~ $47.25)
Left handed pencil ($0.67)
Wooden Barbecue ($86.55)
Glow-in-the-dark Sundial ($243.87)
Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses ($2.47)
Gasoline fire extinguisher ($34.42)
Battery-powered battery charger($27.74)
Solar-powered flashlight ($13.84)
Clear correction fluid ($1.27)
Fake rhinestones ($2.74 for 12 bags)
Fireproof matches ($1.75 per 1 box)
Mesh umbrella ($12.21)

Please order your products by 1/1/1983, and pay $47.95 shipping and handeling to "Jeorge", P.O. Box 4725834, ForknSpork Vill, Canada.
Delivery will take 7,845 - 8,293 business days.

We only accept pennies, glued together by Elmer's glue into the shape of a 47 by 63 scale model of a gingerbread house. We do also accept checks, though they MUST be written in Japanese, and folded into a paper swan.
When you order the products, you have 24 minutes to send out your money order, or else we will find you and capture you.

*Effective March 21st, 2003: We now have these other great threats! You can choose from our selection:
A: We will unfreeze a dinosaur and come and find you. ($2.34 extra with your purchase)
B: We'll buy a horse and ram into you. ($3.27 extra with your purchase)
C: We will freeze time, come capture you, and put you over a cliff, and unfreeze time again ($0.75 cents extra)
D: We will steal your identity, undo your house insurance, and use our newly un-frozen dinosaur to rip off the roof of your house ($7.53 extra)
E: We'll cause great discomfort by replacing your sofa with a large rock ($0.50 cents extra)

Thank you, and come again!

This has (almost) been a ~.:*JOSOA*:.~
( http://www.jokesblonde.com/Blonde-Inventions/ ~ it's the list of the inventions)

Byes for now!